Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
