You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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