Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
