its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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