all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
