i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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