Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
