dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
