You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
