I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
