I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I checked into jail on foursquare
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
