In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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