I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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