the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
