Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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