I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
