It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
