I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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