my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
