Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
