everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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