well you can't waste a boner
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
