Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just tell him i said nine months
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
