TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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