no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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