Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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