we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
