Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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