He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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