Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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