I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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