I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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