i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
