WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
