GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
