Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
