So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
