$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
