you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
