Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
