Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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