your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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