I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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