question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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