He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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