Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Welp...herpes.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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