Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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