the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
