I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm at about main and main street
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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