"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
