North Korea, Best Korea!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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