my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
