I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
