im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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