SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
