so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
