I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
