I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
