But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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