Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
