I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
