i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
