You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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