ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sarcasm needs its own font
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
