I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize