Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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